Oh my goodness, just when I thought my sun-strap marks were here to stay, I have a blanket wrapped around me I’m so cold. I will not admit defeat to this abysmal spring by putting the heating on, but it does make me sad that at nearly 9pm it is light enough for me to be in the garden except I would drown in the bog that is my garden-turned puddle.
I have had enough.
Strange how the weather has matched my mood, I have had enough of lots of things all round and have decided to prioritise myself.
Firstly I have had enough of my low energy, bad moods, unexplained crying and unreasonable shouting. My menopausal symptoms came to a head when I couldn’t get my act together to do a road trip with the kids at Easter; a trip I have made many times before but which seemed overwhelming to even contemplate. So, I’ve started HRT and do you know, I feel like my old self again; only mildly hysterical and pretty reasonable.
Then I cancelled all the retreats and workshops I had planned to hold and emailed the people who had signed up to them to apologise and explain why. I thought they would be cross at me for letting them down and changing my mind, I was judging myself as being flaky and unreliable, however, they were much kinder. In fact, I got lots of messages saying pretty much; ‘good for you’ and ‘look after yourself’, which I am.
One of the wonderful and unexpected by-products of cancelling things has been that my email traffic has dropped to barely nothing and the amount of time I have to spend on line is minimal. It’s just lovely not to have that constant nagging of unanswered emails.
Having cancelled so much I am now completely free (apart from my day jobs, my kids, my coaching clients, my partner, my yoga teacher training, my friends and family, the household admin and chores), yes apart from all that, I now have more time to write. Writing fills me up after giving out all day at work and at home. Writing is quiet, solitary and focused. For me writing is a flow activity where I lose myself, and the track of time, only to emerge energised by it. I love it.
Does this mean I’m selfish? Possibly but in being so, I think I’m better able to be of service to others at other times as I have more energy to give having topped myself up first. What’s more, the book I’m writing about domestic abuse is soimportant to me and I really want it to make a difference to the world and unless I honour that desire, the book will never be born.
Sometimes we need to stand up for ourselves and our selfish dreams and passions and say; ‘This is what I love to do, and I will do it no matter what other people think of need of me’. It’s not easy, but then nor is sitting inside on a rainy evening in late April in a blanket and we’re all having to do that. Whether we weave willow, press grapes, ride bikes, stitch fabrics or herd sheep, if it’s our passion then we need to stand up for our self and find the time to do it. Because no one will ever give you permission and there will never be enough time or the right time. The only real time we ever have is now and the only person we actually need permission from is ourself.
So, give yourself that permission and take that time. Be selfish. Prioritise. Because you and your plans and projects are worth it.
How can you prioritise yourself?
What do you need to give yourself permission to do?
What can you cancel or do less of to create time to do more of what you want?